Loving myself has always been something I’ve struggled with. I wasn’t the cutest kid, so elementary classmates would constantly find fault in the way I looked. This eventually lowered my self-esteem, and that low self-esteem crept its way into my teenage years.

My lack of self-confidence has affected my own image of myself in so many ways. It hurts when I look in the mirror and search for every detailed flaw on my body and berate myself for it. It has even managed to hurt some of my past relationships because I never felt like I was good enough for my partner. And they thought “Well if she doesn’t love herself, how can she love me?”

Stupid, right?

Many older people or parents say that this is just a phase and that eventually, I’ll grow out of it. But they fail to tell you that this is an extremely painful part of life. It’s that point where you feel as though you’ll never make anyone proud, that you don’t have a purpose and that you’ll never be good enough for anyone.

Now, I could sit here and list the many ways you can overcome having low self-esteem and many insecurities, but frankly, I don’t believe that would be effective in any way. Everyone has different ways of dealing with certain situations and defeating obstacles such as this.

I think I will merely explain how I’ve learned, and am still learning, how to overcome my low self-esteem and insecurity issues.

First and foremost, I was made aware that I have many problems with myself. My friends, family, and former boyfriends contributed to helping me to realize that my confidence level was extremely low.

I have learned to identify what I feel is a flaw in my personality or physical appearance. I notice when I start thinking negatively about any aspect of myself and I make note of it, whether that be actually writing it down or just storing it away in the back of my head. Afterward, I’ll turn that negative aspect into something positive about myself. As cliche as it sounds, it actually helps.

Another technique I use is to not compare myself to models, celebrities, and even my peers. When I was growing up, my favorite thing to say was “I wish I had skin like her,” and “I wish my hair was as pretty as hers.” Little did I know that much of the stuff I was seeing was just lots of makeup and photoshop.

Be realistic, girls. You’re never going to look like Beyonce or Zendaya because just face it: you’re not them. The quicker you come to that realization, the happier you’ll be with yourself.

My last tip would be to not overthink every little thing. I am guilty of always overthinking all situations. Unfortunately, it has been hot-wired in my brain that I need to pick at every little detail of a situation.

Don’t be one of those kids who thinks that if a group of people walks past laughing that they’re laughing at you. Don’t try to read people’s minds or actions thinking that it’s aimed at negatively impacting you. More than half of the time, it’s not that deep.

Just remember this: you are not alone in this. I, along with a lot of other teenage girls and boys, are going through the same struggle of defeating their insecurities as you. Let this fact bring you a little bit of comfort and security in knowing that you’re not dealing with this dilemma on your own.