Everyone knows the feeling of your heart rushing, your face blushing, and an emotion you can only describe as giddy. This is a case of the “crush,” or “limerence” in psychological terms. 

According to The Attachment Project, “Limerence means having an intense longing for another person even when they don’t fully reciprocate. The limerent person struggles to think about anything else but their ‘crush’ and neglects their social life, work, and other responsibilities as a result.” 

There are many signs of limerence, constant thoughts about the person of desire, awkward or clumsy around said person, intense fear of rejection, and the most common, idealization, or the mindset of “perfection.”

But what should you do if you don’t want to get over a crush? Simply Psychology, a psychology specialist website focusing on relationships, explains that there are only a few ways to get over the feelings of limerence. 

Scientifically speaking, there is no actual way to get over a crush on your own. Although there are certain ways to get the intensity of these feelings off of your mind. 

The first is to focus on self-worth, making sure you can show compassion to yourself and not just your crush. Another way is to work on your attachment skills, but learning to balance emotional attachment while maintaining a healthy sense of independence is difficult. 

Learning to balance emotional attachment while maintaining a healthy sense of independence means not allowing your identity or self-esteem to be overly dependent on the other person’s actions or attention. Building your self-worth can help create emotional stability and reduce the impact of limerence.

Another method is to establish healthy boundaries, particularly when it comes to your thoughts and behaviors around your crush. Limiting obsessive thinking and focusing on other aspects of your life, like hobbies, work or friendships, can help take your mind off the intense emotional pull. Taking breaks from social media or limiting interactions with the person may also help minimize the cycle of overthinking.

Practicing mindfulness and self-awareness is key too. By learning to recognize when your thoughts start spiraling into idealization, you can redirect your attention and reframe your thinking. This will allow you to step out of the fantasy] mode and view the situation more, realistically, understanding that no one is perfect and that your crush is, at the end of the day, just another human being with flaws.

While limerence can feel overwhelming, it doesn’t have to take over your life. With time, effort, and a little self-compassion, you can learn how to manage your feelings in a way that allows you to keep your sense of self intact- whether or not your crush reciprocates those feelings.