The biggest thing you have to learn when being in a relationship is the difference between privacy and secrecy.

Yes, there is a difference.

It is perfectly okay to be private and keep things to yourself, but when it turns into secrecy it’s a huge problem, especially when you’re dating someone.

“Why didn’t you post me as your WCW on Twitter, John, you don’t want your other girls knowing about me?”

This is a common start in an argument between teenage couples, especially with the growing importance of showing each other off on social media.

The fact that something simple as not posting someone on your social media page could start an argument is pretty foolish. Honestly, in a girl’s mind, it makes a lot of sense. If you’re not posting me on your page, are you trying to make your other girls happy, John?

This is when privacy comes into play. Sometimes guys just want to keep their relationship private. When people know a lot about your relationship, it tends to become everyone’s business.

Everyone wants to tell you who John used to talk to in fifth grade, about his ex who wants him back, and who they saw him talking to in the hallway during second period. They also want to send you screenshots of his tweets from fifty months ago and send old Myspace pics with some girl in your history class. If you’re not secure in your relationship, this could make things very bad and end very fast.

Girls in a relationship have to understand that him not posting WCWs every Wednesday, flipagrams, and putting their name all over his page does not mean he is trying to hide your relationship.

He just wants to keep his relationship as healthy and positive as possible.

However when John decides to keep his relationship secret or lie, it can become toxic.

For example, John loves talking to one of his female friends at lunch because they have deep conversations about the education system.

He doesn’t tell his girlfriend about her and he doesn’t tell the girl about his girlfriend. It is perfectly fine to have friends of the opposite sex as long as you’re being honest about it.

John decides not to tell his girlfriend, because he believes that he has the right to keep it private. Indeed he does, but it is wrong not to tell his friend that he is in a relationship.

A secret, in this situation, is something kept from another person to protect behavior you do not want to give up. Secrecy is when we choose to keep something to ourselves knowing that there may be negative consequences if it were to be revealed.

Privacy, however, would be John talking to his friend about an illness she thinks she has or personal information that she wants to keep between them.
That would be acceptable to keep to themselves.

Privacy and secrecy are very different from each other. You should discuss with your boyfriend and girlfriend what you see as private and what you see as a secret to avoid a hurtful situation.