It’s time to start cleaning yourself

Thomas Planera

More stories from Thomas Planera

The life of Lamone
March 23, 2016

I’d like to take a moment here and talk to my male readers about presentation.

I see a lot of guys around school who seem like they just don’t care about personal hygiene.

My friends poke fun at me sometimes because I take cleanliness more seriously than they do, but I’m defending my position and stressing its importance.

First things first, we should all know by now that you have to shower at least once a day.

If you work out after school or play some ball in the sun, go ahead and take that night shower too because you don’t want to be sleeping in your own sweat.

When you get out of the shower, deodorant is a must. Deodorant is not a substitute for showering, so if you smell, just spraying on that Axe isn’t going to fix the problem. You have to use soap and water.

Post-shower is also a great time to trim and file your nails- fingers and toes. Does this sound feminine?

Yes. Is it necessary? Yes.

The ladies don’t like men with claws and machetes hanging off their foot. Also, make sure they’re clean because dirty fingernails are worse than long fingernails.

Next is the mouth. Here are the things you need to be orally successful: a good electric toothbrush, Listerine antiseptic, whitening toothpaste, and some floss.

Honestly, flossing is a pain and I don’t do it as much as I should, but every once in awhile I’ll take out the string and get going. It actually makes a difference.

I will say, though, that the whitening toothpaste only works if you use it three times a day until you’re 35.

So if you want real results, pick up some whitening strips, and within two weeks, your teeth will look great.

The Listerine will help you kill germs and keep your breath fresh. This is absolutely critical because a lot of people show up to school in the mornings smelling like Spongebob after he ate that bad sundae.

Next order of business is the face. If you’re into the beard thing, make sure it’s kept well. If it grows in patches, just shave everything off or consider a goatee if you like that sort of thing.

If you have to, buy a trimming tool to avoid entering Post Malone territory.

Another thing that a lot of people skip is the eyes. Make sure the whites of your eyeballs are actually white, because if they’re not, it’s noticeable.

I recommend any type of non-medicinal eye drops from the drugstore to keep your eyes healthy and moist.

This is especially important for the guys who like to relax after school, get it?

Lastly, I’d like to mention a few things about guys’ hair.

Black guys do not need to read any further since they are no dummies to a great haircut.

Unfortunately, however, most white guys are still naive.

There is no reason that in the year 2016 a young man does not go to a barber.

Barbers go to school to learn how to cut hair and shave people.

They are licensed professionals and they know what they are doing. Jenny from Great Clips, who also baby-sits on Saturday nights, does not.

Long story short, it’s not that hard nor time-consuming to take good care of yourself these days.

So do the rest of us a favor and throw some powder on so you don’t feel or smell like an ogre.