The death of the American metrosexual male

Thomas Planera

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March 23, 2016

“A young, urban, heterosexual male with liberal political views, an interest in fashion, and a refined sense of taste”.

If you Google the term “metrosexual”, that’s what you’ll see.

There are many interpretations of what exactly a metrosexual man is, but regardless, he’s dead.

Perhaps he was never really alive, but now is the time he ought to be.

Criticism and ignorance were the causes of death.

Men killed him by labeling him as a homosexual. He cared too much, therefore he was gay.

The metrosexual knows he’s not gay, and he doesn’t have to go out of his way to prove this.

He doesn’t fake uncomfortability when he comes into contact with another guy, and he knows that not everything beyond a handshake is gay.

Women killed him because they didn’t appreciate him enough. Maybe they wanted a more “straight” man, a true alpha male.

Either way, I don’t know why I hear some girls talk about how every guy sucks when they never gave the metrosexual a chance.

To me, the metrosexual is more than just a guy who likes to wear scented lotions and dresses well.

To me, he is a man that is completely in touch with his sexual boundaries and knows what he likes.

He is sophisticated, sensitive and understands women the best he can.

That last point is important.

The metrosexual actually invests his time in asking women un-flirtatious questions so he can understand how they think, what they like, and predict their tendencies.

He communicates effectively and doesn’t hide things in order to protect a reputation that he likes to believe he’s maintained.

He does this because he cares.

There are heterosexual guys I know that are polite. This does not mean, however, that they understand females; they’re just nice to them.

These are the same guys that wear sweats on a date and take their girl out to Wendy’s. The metrosexual would never do this, partly because he knows how to cook.

So, you may ask, why would a woman want a man that’s basically gay?

Well, it’s because the metrosexual is a balance of both.

He enjoys sports, but doesn’t make it his life because he understands that it’s just entertainment. He knows not to obsessively talk about the minute details of last night’s game in front of a group of girls because they will get annoyed with him.

He also frequents the gym, but he doesn’t spend hours staring at his biceps in the mirror near the dumbbells because the metrosexual would rather be taking advantage of the gym’s steam room.

However, you’ll never find this man at the gym, because the metrosexual is going extinct.

Looks like I have to hold down the fort.